This is a loathsome and retarded movie that I never want to
see or hear anything about ever again. There’s
nothing more disgusting and offensive than the pasteurization of rock ‘n roll
into bland Broadway-musical respectability, except maybe for movies that are
adapted from those musicals. It’s taking
something that is only worthwhile because of its coarseness and subversiveness
and smoothing it out to make it palatable to middle-class tourists who know
nothing about its origins or meaning.
This fad of slapping a loose rom-com plot together around a bunch of
existing songs by Abba, the Beatles or – in this case – multiple hard-rock
bands is without doubt the most repugnant trend in today’s popular culture;
worse than reality TV, American Idol,
Justin Bieber, Twilight or anything
else you could name. If you told me that
there was a movie about the L.A.
metal music scene of the mid-1980s, I would be genuinely intrigued. Imagine my horror and nausea then as I
realized I was in for a sickeningly saccharine story of puppy love told via
endless choreographed numbers to songs that are not even original but elevator
Muzak versions of famous rock songs, “sung” by a cast entirely unsuited to the
milieu and dolled up in phony-looking costumes and wigs like a high school play
from hell. I can think of at least a hundred other ways to waste a colossal sum of $75,000,000, all of them more interesting, including just burning it as a big pile of cash. I hate this movie along with
everyone who made it, right down to the extras, the catering crew, and even
innocent passersby who may simply have been walking their dogs past the
shooting location.
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